i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”
Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
Even the colleges in Texas have frequent water stations in the hottest months because of the risk of heat stroke.
Not to mention the humidity in some parts of Texas essentially nullifies the benefits of sweating.
This is this is literally just plain inhumane. It’s not even asking for much. 10 minutes every 4 hours. Shit they should be getting 10 minutes every hour in the Texas heat.
“Private submarine carrying several billionaire tourists goes missing while surveying the wreckage of the Titanic.”
Well, it had to happen eventually. This is where big-ticket extreme tourism and shooting untrained assholes into space and such was always going to lead – frankly, it’s surprising that it took this long for a major incident to crop up.
“One of the missing passengers is the president and CEO of the company that owns and operates the submarine.”
Huh. Well, points for putting his money where his mouth is, I guess. I wonder if–
“The missing CEO’s name is Stockton Rush.”
Oh, bullshit. That’s not a real person – that’s the name of a guy who builds an inexplicably 1950s-themed underwater theme park and then gets eaten by a shark in a cautionary tale about the perils of libertarianism. That’s the name of a guy who carries off an oceanfront real estate scam that somehow ends with Superman fighting a telepathic squid. Fucking “Stockton Rush”. Unbelievable.
At this point I’m half-expecting the next article I read is going to reveal one of the other passengers is a self-styled “explorer” who has strong opinions about the continued geopolitical relevance of the British Empire OH WAIT
some people are so so so unwilling to acknowledge that - even if they are disabled in some way - there are disabled people who cannot do whatever they think most people can do. some disabled people can’t leave the house. some disabled people will need support to run a blog like this. some disabled people are spending all their energy on managing their health to do whatever else you think is more important. if a disabled person says “i can’t do x” there is never a time where it’s appropriate to say “i did it and i’m disabled” because all you’ve said is that you’re less impacted by that disability than the other person
this is legendary because you as you go you see the photo itself and you’re “oh this is some symbolic / surrealist art” and then the TITLE hits you like a shotgun shell
In case you were unaware, Moby Dick is one of the foundational texts of cosmic horror. The White Whale is a god, maybe even The God. And Ahab Hates Him.
